Ah, the yuppie. Consider the dilemma of one extremely focused young man long stranded on a desert island.

Finding himself with only bananas and coconuts for sustenance, he discovers the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She tells him she lives on the other side of the island, has a home, complete with kitchen, food and all the required amenities for living -- all constructed with her two hands from nature and driftwood.

Taking him to her home, she even manages to concoct a pina colada, and they sit on her couch to tell of their adventures. After exchanging stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines -- strategically positioned -- and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know..." She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing: "You mean -- ?" he swallows excitedly, "I can check my e-mail from here...?"

10/13/1999